Dear Stranger:

I noticed you locked your bike to mine. Funny that you didn’t notice though. And I see you’ve got one of those cable locks, those are nice. Most people string it through the frame and back tire, and not to other people’s bikes. But I guess you’re an individual. I was just wondering how long you might be in the store, and maybe what you’re planning on cooking tonight. It’s not like I have anywhere to be or anything.

Maybe we saw each other inside. I recall a particularly frosty woman by the onion bin, maybe that was you. I’ve noticed that some people go through a routine before they leave their bikes: rolling down their pant leg, checking for their wallet, and making sure their lock isn’t attached to someone else’s bike. You should try that. Have you heard of those locks that you can kind of jimmy open with a pen? You don’t seem to have one of those. Don’t mind the pen marks.

By the way, when you do eventually come out, I hope you’re apologetic. Don’t you hate it when people aren’t apologetic when they do something stupid? Not that you’re stupid, just what you did. I’m sure we’ll laugh about the whole thing, even though you’re feigning concern and I’m secretly pissed off.