Apparently there’s some outdoor festival called Boulevard Bash and it’s outside my apartment. You can’t tame this city.

Apparently there’s some outdoor festival called Boulevard Bash and it’s outside my apartment. You can’t tame this city.

1 year ago | Tags: bashes Logan Square chicago festival image photo toilet row

I didn’t want to say anything, but Becky and I hit something of a rough patch recently. Things were going great, we were making out tons, and it all seemed to be working. Then Becky moved in.

Up until that point, she hadn’t really met my dog, Champ. Sure she’d seen him on the chair when she came over to make out, and Champ sometimes jumped in between us, but back then it was all cute and everything. We’d hug and Champ would pop up between us and split us apart and we’d laugh like idiots. But when she moved in, it just got too much.

Champ and I go everywhere together. We are inseparable, I couldn’t just kick him out. And I really like Becky, so I don’t want to kick her out either. We try make it work, but she really can’t stand the dog. Champ does this thing where he jumps on people and licks them, and it’s real cute and endearing. But Becky really hates it. She says her friends don’t want to hang out with me anymore. I’ve posted some pictures so you can see. Now tell me that isn’t just adorable?

I’m in such an impossible situation of a man, a woman, and my dog that stands between us, a filmmaker friend of mine is making a movie about it! Talk about stranger than fiction!

2 years ago | Tags: dog photo movies heavy petting licks champ relationships becky image not saving a life

Dear Stranger: I noticed you locked your bike to mine. Funny that you didn’t notice though. And I see you’ve got one of those cable locks, those are nice. Most people string it through the frame and back tire, and not to other people’s bikes. But I guess you’re an individual. I was just wondering how long you might be in the store, and maybe what you’re planning on cooking tonight. It’s not like I have anywhere to be or anything. Maybe we saw each other inside. I recall a particularly frosty woman by the onion bin, maybe that was you. I’ve noticed that some people go through a routine before they leave their bikes: rolling down their pant leg, checking for their wallet, and making sure their lock isn’t attached to someone else’s bike. You should try that. Have you heard of those locks that you can kind of jimmy open with a pen? You don’t seem to have one of those. Don’t mind the pen marks. By the way, when you do eventually come out, I hope you’re apologetic. Don’t you hate it when people aren’t apologetic when they do something stupid? Not that you’re stupid, just what you did. I’m sure we’ll laugh about the whole thing, even though you’re feigning concern and I’m secretly pissed off.

Dear Stranger:

I noticed you locked your bike to mine. Funny that you didn’t notice though. And I see you’ve got one of those cable locks, those are nice. Most people string it through the frame and back tire, and not to other people’s bikes. But I guess you’re an individual. I was just wondering how long you might be in the store, and maybe what you’re planning on cooking tonight. It’s not like I have anywhere to be or anything.

Maybe we saw each other inside. I recall a particularly frosty woman by the onion bin, maybe that was you. I’ve noticed that some people go through a routine before they leave their bikes: rolling down their pant leg, checking for their wallet, and making sure their lock isn’t attached to someone else’s bike. You should try that. Have you heard of those locks that you can kind of jimmy open with a pen? You don’t seem to have one of those. Don’t mind the pen marks.

By the way, when you do eventually come out, I hope you’re apologetic. Don’t you hate it when people aren’t apologetic when they do something stupid? Not that you’re stupid, just what you did. I’m sure we’ll laugh about the whole thing, even though you’re feigning concern and I’m secretly pissed off.

2 years ago | Tags: bike stranger lock image photo delay hostage

via Craigslist: “LOVE ANIMALS?? We Want You!!! “We are seeking a fun-loving animal lover to pet-sit our cat Ruth while we are at work. Ruth is a special needs cat. She is independent-minded and likes to get into things she shouldn’t (catnip!). “Things to watch out for: Ruth is very oddly shaped and will frighten you because of her creepy proportions. Also, Ruth’s strange size requires her to have an inhaler (give her a puff, it’s cute!). Compensation is competitive. Must have reliable transportation.” Last cat post for awhile, I swear.

via Craigslist:

“LOVE ANIMALS?? We Want You!!!

“We are seeking a fun-loving animal lover to pet-sit our cat Ruth while we are at work. Ruth is a special needs cat. She is independent-minded and likes to get into things she shouldn’t (catnip!).

“Things to watch out for: Ruth is very oddly shaped and will frighten you because of her creepy proportions. Also, Ruth’s strange size requires her to have an inhaler (give her a puff, it’s cute!). Compensation is competitive. Must have reliable transportation.”

Last cat post for awhile, I swear.

2 years ago | Tags: image photo cat craigslist job post pillow frightening

The note on the bottom is actually an old aphorism warning one not to trust machines. This machine, specifically. And it isn’t actually out of order, it’s sentient and a bastard.

The note on the bottom is actually an old aphorism warning one not to trust machines. This machine, specifically. And it isn’t actually out of order, it’s sentient and a bastard.

2 years ago | Tags: image photo singularity robots vending machine dystopia aphorism bastard

I just got this new kitchen gadget, and it doesn’t take up much counter space, which is great. It fits snuggly with our coffee and tea presses, and it does everything. Well, mostly it sort of just sits there and gets hair in everything I cook. Modern convenience!

I just got this new kitchen gadget, and it doesn’t take up much counter space, which is great. It fits snuggly with our coffee and tea presses, and it does everything. Well, mostly it sort of just sits there and gets hair in everything I cook. Modern convenience!

2 years ago | Tags: image, appliance cat cooking food gadget kitchen photo

Grand Rapids, MI.

In my first proper Amtrak ride, I decided to dress well and bring some style back to rail travel. It was useless. Noise and mass confusion at Union Station led a hoard of antsy Michigan Moms in three-quarterslength pants to organize the passengers of the 370 to Grand Rapids. It was kill or be killed and we had to stick together, otherwise we might go to the wrong gate or board the wrong train. We made it, thanks to a little Midwest practicality and ingenuity.

Luckily the train ride itself was fine, as I realized that sweatpants is a more appropriate uniform for my final destination. I saw kids shooting airsoft guns in a downtown street, Rosa Parks Circle, a strange water fountain with steam jets, Meijer, a toothless rickshaw driver, and a “US pissing on NAFTA” sticker. All in all, the city was clean and beautiful, though small but spread out, and I wasn’t used to driving everywhere. A biking city, to be sure, I’m told, but I didn’t see a single one. Grand Rapids reminded me a lot of Providence- pretty, insular college culture, historic, small, and the arts capital of the state. Their downtown was called CityCenter like Providence’s Downcity, kind of weird but I like it.

2 years ago | Tags: grand rapids michigan guns deer photo image vacation trip

I love these lazy Mondays. Shoo-Fly Pie, from Alton Brown. The filling is molasses, flour, dark brown sugar, and baking soda.

2 years ago | Tags: pie lazy mondays food alton brown cooking image photo