via Craigslist:

“Looking for a new challenge and opportunity in the sandwich industry? Are you good with your hands and have the appetite and girth of a cartoon?

We are a well respected and BUSY sandwich purveyor looking for a Part-Time Sandwich Tester to test our sandwiches for quality assurance. Our sandwich sales team peddle them to grocers around the city, and we need YOU to make sure they are up to code, write reports (tasty? Non-tasty? foreign materiel?), and talk up the sandwiches to locals.

Expect to eat up to 30 sandwiches a day. Did we mention they’re free?

Compensation: Unpaid, will reevaluate after 1,000 sandwiches eaten. Pay will be PER SANDWICH.”

Embarrassed about your lunch decision?

Hastily shove it in this stylish faux wine bottle! Instead of appearing like you’ve given up on life, people will think you are on your way to a black-tie event, some rooftop gala benefiting your star senator’s reelection campaign with this 2006 vintage Chardonnay tucked in the crook of your arm. A choice find in a hole-in-the-wall wine shop in the South of Australia. It was but a weekend jaunt into the Barossa Valley on a tip from an old friend, a journeyman antiquities dealer you, shall we say, “ran into” in a Tangiers prison a month before.

How does it taste? Why, that’ll be our little secret…