from Craigslist:

“This is long because it is a REAL OFFER:

Are you a motivated self-starter? Do you thrive under pressure? Can you work in a marine-themed environment?

Dominique, our dolphin of 14 years, has moved on and as a result left vacant a REWARDING position with room for advancement. We want YOU to be our new dolphin for two 45-min shows a night.

Requirements: 3-5 years experience as a dolphin, or related experience. At least a bachelor’s degree in aqua arts, theater, physical therapy or similar field. Familiarity with swimming a MUST. Must be able to pull up to 150 lbs with dorsal. Willing to learn! Knowledge of Microsoft Office 2007 preferred.

This is a DEMANDING job with many perks. We will pay to relocate you! Compensation determined on experience. We are an EOE. Email cover letter, resume, and portfolio of dolphin tricks and stunts to ricky@nautiluscasino.tv”

This graph illustrates The Quesne Problem.

As you can see, for awhile, passing out an album of questionable work is quite rewarding. “Look at how many people can hear my music,” one would think. Quesne has circumvented The System by speaking directly to The People. Quesne doesn’t need to play shows or build an audience who want to support him. He doesn’t need to get a day job and hope to be “discovered” at one of his gigs. Quesne has it figured out.

For awhile, anyway. The Quesne Problem is evident about three-quarters of the way of the line. At the crest of the arc, he realizes that he isn’t getting anywhere and his perception of success, heretofore unbound, plummets. Quesne, still peddling his wares, has not benefitted from free, crappy music and The People have spoken.

Dear Ecco Shoe Company,

I am writing to inform you of my shoe laces. They are torn and frayed and I don’t like them anymore. At first, I was impressed that there was an inner core to the laces. Not many shoe companies do that. They’re like an insulated wire, but as you can see, the core lace is staggeringly vulnerable now that the outer covering snapped. Not surprisingly, my fervor over the construction was fleeting.

If you look closely, the outer portion of the laces is significantly shorter than the rest of the laces. That is because the sheathing slides down the core and bunches up. I have to smooth it out with my fingers, but it never fully straightens out. It is also much shorter because I have snipped the frayed ends with tiny scissors. Tiny scissors are a pain to work with, by the way, and I have to keep them nearby because no matter how much I snip, the ends eventually fray again. As you can see, the everyday appearance of my shoes is quite ungainly.

On further investigation, I noticed that the covering of the laces snapped at the top-most eyelet of the shoe. Since the shoes are so nicely tailored to my feet (kudos), I have to pull the laces with sizable effort to tighten the leather. The stress point is quite harsh, and I wonder, had you perhaps rounded off the sharp edge of the eyelets, maybe this whole thing could’ve been avoided.

In conclusion, I like these shoes very much, and I would like to keep wearing them free of hassle. In order to do that, I ask that you please send me a pair of new shoe laces. Baring that, I would accept a pair of outer sheathing and directions on how to put the core laces inside. Thank you.